Gabriel Barcia-Colombo

Drawing by Jason Rosado

Yesterday I woke up feeling terrible.  Watery eyes, sore throat, nose like a broken pipe awful. I thought it would go away by today but after sleeping 12 hours last night I still felt bad this morning so I decided to try and find a doctor. Apparently going to see a doctor in New York City is like trying to get into a nightclub in New York City: If you don’t know someone or haven’t already been a patient in the past you can’t get in.  So this left me with the walk in clinic on 16th street. 2 hours go by sitting in a chair in the waiting room. I am sneezing but nobody else seems to be so they ask me to please wear a mask which they provide free of charge. I am the only person wearing a mask in the entire waiting room. Not even the nurses are wearing them…just me. I look like the outbreak monkey.  So after 2 hours they finally call me in to weigh me and measure my height. Then I sit in another smaller room for another thirty minutes until finally the doctor comes in and assures me that I don’t in fact have swine flu but rather a virus and terrible allergies. He tells me I have pollen in my eyes and that I should rinse them with baby shampoo and water when I get home. He also tells me that I don’t look like I’m 5 foot 5. I’m not 5 foot 5. The nurse wrote down 5 foot 5 and this causes the doctor to think that I am overweight. He re measures me at 5 foot 9. How the nurse lost 4 inches I’ll never know but the good news is I’m not overweight, I don’t have the swine flu and I’m not 5 foot 5.

Virgin Airlines announced recently that they will become the first airline to serve absinthe in the skies. Absinthe in its purest form was believed to have roots in Switzerland and became increasingly popular amongst artists and writers throughout European areas, particularly the French. It was more commonly labeled “la fée verte,” which meant the Green Fairy. So now you can fly like the Green Fairy. I am actually taking a Virgin flight today so we’ll see if I come back a raving lunatic.

 
So…I’m not sure what to say about this except…Really White House? Really? I have an idea, let’s re-create one of the most horrific images in the brains of New Yorkers for a photo op! Come on Obama, this was such a Bush move. I think what offends me most about this is the apparent lack of photoshop knowledge. Dear White House, next time you want a photo of air force one flying over anything…monuments, buildings, dinosaurs, the clock tower from back to the future please contact me first. I can have it done in less than an hour and I’ll only charge you $25 instead of the $329,000 you paid to instill fear in the hearts of Goldman Sachs employees. Trust me, those employees are afraid already. Love Gabe.